I shall not live in vain.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

- Emily Dickinson

Living a Life with True Meaning. Photo credit: David Reche / Pexels

The one thing that kept me alive during my darkest times was prayer. I prayed because I still recognized my authentic voice and words when I did so, more so than in everyday interactions with other people. I could hear my true self.

My most common prayer was, “Lord, if I make it through this, I just pray that everything I have been through will not be in vain.” I had to have a meaning to want to live and keep going. No money, no status, no achievement was worth fighting for enough, other than having meaning assigned to what I went through. I just couldn’t bear to go through everything I did randomly and for no good reason.

Aside from the fact that I did heal, I did go on to have the things in life that were important to me (marriage, parenthood, and professional life) that still did not satisfy the prayer that kept me alive and sustained me in my deepest times of pain. I realize my meaning is to do what I can so others who go through what I did will have more resources than I did on emotional recovery from psychosis. I want to make others’ journeys better than my own, and then it is all worth it to me.

And to echo Emily Dickinson, I’ve always said that if I can just make one person’s life better than mine was, that is my goal. With my blog and speaking opportunities, I really focus on the individual, even if I just change one person’s mindset or help with one person’s wellbeing through every endeavor.